awkward

i have a problem keeping up with my blog. you see, i get carried away and then i fall off the wagon. stay tuned for a great post where i count down the best videos of the year/all time. or something.

until then, here are some bichon puppies in a bucket.

Beyonce's Thighs

You may recognize this from Beyonce's 'Sweet Dreams' video - a video where Beyonce does nothing but gyrate. I slowed this clip down by 25% so that people may learn this freak dance move if they really felt an intense need (hint: I feel an intense need).

worlds collide

i hate the big superimposed faces, i hate that lady gaga is trying to be 'sexy,' and i think the dancers with SLR heads are kind of scary. other than that, im in love a lil.

today in the (bath) haus of gaga

Coming to you straight from This Viral Life is the premiere of Lady Gaga's video for Bad Romance! Lady Gaga chose this blog to debut her newest video because she is 'just steph to me...'

but srsly...

After watching this three times, I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Clearly I was wrong when I said Lady Gaga was in an Asylum... she is just in the bath haus of gaga. Obviously. And we do see her face (sometimes)! We also see some extremely severe gold heels, a bearskin rug set ablaze, awkward zombie dancing, a creepy hairless kitty, the metal globe from her SNL performance, and a famished caged gaga. Also, sparks fly from her breasts! Is it better than Paparazzi? I don't know yet, but I'm still obsessed.

in which i discuss shakira's new video

it may come as no surprise that i am obsessed with shakira. while this obsession is fairly recent, but it is only getting more intense. while the choreography in the she wolf video was pretty retarded, this mattress dance sequence is graceful and intriguing and downright sexy. the foreign drummers and the steam room scenes are simps and steamy. the only problem is that shakira orgasms for literally half the song. is that really necessary? we get the point, shakira.

a dictionary for you

here are some phrases i use often, although many people outside my group of friends do not know what they mean. this creates a bit of tension in the workplace. here is a helpful guide!


"sheer" - the act of being tacky, outrageous, trashy, or any combination of the three
"ridic" - ridiculous
"simps & typs" - simple & typical, can be used separately
"steez" - style
"situ" - situation
"dubs oc" - out of control. otherwise known as OOC or double oc
"kiki d" or "kiki" or "kiks & deeks" - drunk, originally taken from perez hilton's name for kirsten dunst (kiki drunkst)
"obvs" - obviously
"ovs" - over it
"BTDubs" - By the way
"whatevs" - whatever
"totes" - totally, although im sort of ovs this phrase by now because it got picked up and shiz...
"nbd" - no big deal
"hein" - heinous
"chi-mo" - child molester, often used to describe an ugly moustache. Use it in a sentence? "The DJ at Savalas has a chi-mo 'stache" (see pic below)

An Open Letter to Leighton Meester (pt. 2)

Leighton, you are so pretty. I don't care how horrible this song is. I take everything back. You may be wearing too much makeup, you may be wearing some sort of 6th avenue stripper outfit in the back of a towncar, but you are still hanging in there.

this week in the haus of gaga

sorry i haven't "blogged." i've been busy doing "real life things."
but when something needs to be blogged, i will blog about it.

AND THIS NEEDS TO BE BLOGGED ABOUT, DAMMIT:




take a look at this 28 seconds of sheerness. i have a feeling this one is going to be great. so far we know:

1. lady gaga lost her face. she is dancing in some sort of KKK inspired unitard that leaves only her mouth exposed
2. lady gaga is in a bad romance.
3. lady gaga takes a dangerous drink

there are questions left unanswered!
is lady gaga in an asylum? is lady gaga going to 'off herself' like she did at the VMA's?

is will.i.am a terrorist?

i am trying to figure out what this video is all about. i think will.i.am is trying to find fergie, so he rides a leather elephant to get into her rainforest. but why is he dressed like a terrorist? and why is he a genie? or is he a robot? and is fergie really a fairy? did they just reuse the set from the britney speakers perfume commercial?

someone answer me!

put a dot on it

no puedo,
j'dore

midnight youtube (part 1)

you would not believe the amount of youtube garbage i watch between the hours of 2 am and 5 am. this is when i do all my best work and find videos like this:

when i saw this, i literally could not breathe i was laughing so hard:


a crackhead singing michael jackson. typs.


this is what happens when you enter search terms like "asian cher"


stay tuned!

SNOOOOOOZE!!!

1. i love how this video starts with britney spraying her own shitty fragrance on herself to get ready for her threesome.
2. how many times can she lift her arms? is that her only dance move now?
3. do i see a baby bump? is there a third in there? is that why shes singing about counting to three?

this video is boring im not going to waste any more words on it. im disappointed, britney.

more youtube sickos

PLEASE TELL ME WHO SPENT THEIR TIME EDITING THIS AND UPLOADING IT ON THE YOUTUBES?

we're gonna ed hardy structure waterboard you, bro

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly

it has taken too long for someone to create a webseries based on ed hardy bros. was it worth the wait? i think so.

the colors, duke. the colors

i heard this song on the train this morning - the perfect song to accompany a wet wet wednesday on a packed F train. it reminded me (no pun intended) of this amazing video. Ok, the fact that it was done in one take is amazing. But the performance and costumes and simplicity of the idea is what makes it work. Also, Leslie Feist has killer bangs.




also, remember this 90's classic?

sexXxy or unsexXxy?

i know, i know. this is what i get for going on youtubes at 4:45 am. this absurd thing (i wouldn't even call it a video) was in the void of "recommended" videos.



im sure there is some sicko out there who thinks this is very sexy. and im also pretty sure that sicko must be a certified chi-mo.

Choo Choo Mashup

this is what happens when you want to listen to Fleetwood Mac at the end of a long day:



Thomas the Tank Engine and his creepy face!

becoming a she wolf

since everyone and their mother and their mother's mother is being lady gaga for halloween, i decided to be my other favorite absurd music video character.

A DOOR-MAN!

i know im a little late on this, but can we please talk about BRIDEZILLAS? This show is trash, and it is perfect for a hungover Sunday. These people are absolutely disgusting. They were plucked straight from a garbage dump and some brilliant casting director put them on tv.

I cannot decide who I love more:

Ladrienna (Whose Maid-of-Honor's arm is bigger than my thigh)



or Karen (who is from Staten Island, enough said)



BTW: Karen's bachlorette party was supposed to be at Marquee. Again, enough said.

the boss

music for mondays