I troll the internet to bring you the most urgent news.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

awkward

i have a problem keeping up with my blog. you see, i get carried away and then i fall off the wagon. stay tuned for a great post where i count down the best videos of the year/all time. or something.

until then, here are some bichon puppies in a bucket.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Beyonce's Thighs

You may recognize this from Beyonce's 'Sweet Dreams' video - a video where Beyonce does nothing but gyrate. I slowed this clip down by 25% so that people may learn this freak dance move if they really felt an intense need (hint: I feel an intense need).

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

worlds collide



i hate the big superimposed faces, i hate that lady gaga is trying to be 'sexy,' and i think the dancers with SLR heads are kind of scary. other than that, im in love a lil.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

today in the (bath) haus of gaga



Coming to you straight from This Viral Life is the premiere of Lady Gaga's video for Bad Romance! Lady Gaga chose this blog to debut her newest video because she is 'just steph to me...'

but srsly...

After watching this three times, I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Clearly I was wrong when I said Lady Gaga was in an Asylum... she is just in the bath haus of gaga. Obviously. And we do see her face (sometimes)! We also see some extremely severe gold heels, a bearskin rug set ablaze, awkward zombie dancing, a creepy hairless kitty, the metal globe from her SNL performance, and a famished caged gaga. Also, sparks fly from her breasts! Is it better than Paparazzi? I don't know yet, but I'm still obsessed.

in which i discuss shakira's new video



it may come as no surprise that i am obsessed with shakira. while this obsession is fairly recent, but it is only getting more intense. while the choreography in the she wolf video was pretty retarded, this mattress dance sequence is graceful and intriguing and downright sexy. the foreign drummers and the steam room scenes are simps and steamy. the only problem is that shakira orgasms for literally half the song. is that really necessary? we get the point, shakira.

Monday, November 9, 2009

a dictionary for you

here are some phrases i use often, although many people outside my group of friends do not know what they mean. this creates a bit of tension in the workplace. here is a helpful guide!


"sheer" - the act of being tacky, outrageous, trashy, or any combination of the three
"ridic" - ridiculous
"simps & typs" - simple & typical, can be used separately
"steez" - style
"situ" - situation
"dubs oc" - out of control. otherwise known as OOC or double oc
"kiki d" or "kiki" or "kiks & deeks" - drunk, originally taken from perez hilton's name for kirsten dunst (kiki drunkst)
"obvs" - obviously
"ovs" - over it
"BTDubs" - By the way
"whatevs" - whatever
"totes" - totally, although im sort of ovs this phrase by now because it got picked up and shiz...
"nbd" - no big deal
"hein" - heinous
"chi-mo" - child molester, often used to describe an ugly moustache. Use it in a sentence? "The DJ at Savalas has a chi-mo 'stache" (see pic below)

An Open Letter to Leighton Meester (pt. 2)



Leighton, you are so pretty. I don't care how horrible this song is. I take everything back. You may be wearing too much makeup, you may be wearing some sort of 6th avenue stripper outfit in the back of a towncar, but you are still hanging in there.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

this week in the haus of gaga

sorry i haven't "blogged." i've been busy doing "real life things."
but when something needs to be blogged, i will blog about it.

AND THIS NEEDS TO BE BLOGGED ABOUT, DAMMIT:




take a look at this 28 seconds of sheerness. i have a feeling this one is going to be great. so far we know:

1. lady gaga lost her face. she is dancing in some sort of KKK inspired unitard that leaves only her mouth exposed
2. lady gaga is in a bad romance.
3. lady gaga takes a dangerous drink

there are questions left unanswered!
is lady gaga in an asylum? is lady gaga going to 'off herself' like she did at the VMA's?

Monday, November 2, 2009

is will.i.am a terrorist?



i am trying to figure out what this video is all about. i think will.i.am is trying to find fergie, so he rides a leather elephant to get into her rainforest. but why is he dressed like a terrorist? and why is he a genie? or is he a robot? and is fergie really a fairy? did they just reuse the set from the britney speakers perfume commercial?

someone answer me!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

put a dot on it



no puedo,
j'dore

midnight youtube (part 1)

you would not believe the amount of youtube garbage i watch between the hours of 2 am and 5 am. this is when i do all my best work and find videos like this:

when i saw this, i literally could not breathe i was laughing so hard:


a crackhead singing michael jackson. typs.


this is what happens when you enter search terms like "asian cher"


stay tuned!

Friday, October 30, 2009

SNOOOOOOZE!!!



1. i love how this video starts with britney spraying her own shitty fragrance on herself to get ready for her threesome.
2. how many times can she lift her arms? is that her only dance move now?
3. do i see a baby bump? is there a third in there? is that why shes singing about counting to three?

this video is boring im not going to waste any more words on it. im disappointed, britney.

more youtube sickos

PLEASE TELL ME WHO SPENT THEIR TIME EDITING THIS AND UPLOADING IT ON THE YOUTUBES?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

we're gonna ed hardy structure waterboard you, bro



it has taken too long for someone to create a webseries based on ed hardy bros. was it worth the wait? i think so.

the colors, duke. the colors

i heard this song on the train this morning - the perfect song to accompany a wet wet wednesday on a packed F train. it reminded me (no pun intended) of this amazing video. Ok, the fact that it was done in one take is amazing. But the performance and costumes and simplicity of the idea is what makes it work. Also, Leslie Feist has killer bangs.




also, remember this 90's classic?

sexXxy or unsexXxy?

i know, i know. this is what i get for going on youtubes at 4:45 am. this absurd thing (i wouldn't even call it a video) was in the void of "recommended" videos.



im sure there is some sicko out there who thinks this is very sexy. and im also pretty sure that sicko must be a certified chi-mo.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Choo Choo Mashup

this is what happens when you want to listen to Fleetwood Mac at the end of a long day:



Thomas the Tank Engine and his creepy face!

Monday, October 26, 2009

becoming a she wolf

since everyone and their mother and their mother's mother is being lady gaga for halloween, i decided to be my other favorite absurd music video character.



A DOOR-MAN!

i know im a little late on this, but can we please talk about BRIDEZILLAS? This show is trash, and it is perfect for a hungover Sunday. These people are absolutely disgusting. They were plucked straight from a garbage dump and some brilliant casting director put them on tv.

I cannot decide who I love more:

Ladrienna (Whose Maid-of-Honor's arm is bigger than my thigh)



or Karen (who is from Staten Island, enough said)



BTW: Karen's bachlorette party was supposed to be at Marquee. Again, enough said.

the boss

music for mondays

Friday, October 23, 2009

YES!!

Its Friday afternoon. Im rendering sequences in After Effects and dancing in my cubicle to this band. They're called Yes Giantess and they opened for the Antlers last night at the NME showcase. I love them, because apparently they had a bunch of sound problems and were so stressed out that at the end of the show the lead singer goes "ok! that's done! let's get drunk!" I didn't hear any problems, but I danced a lot

Chester French She Wolf

this not a she wolf parody, but a pretty meaningful she wolf cover.



i swear, this will be my last she wolf post.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

ITS HIPSTER CHRISTMAS!




this week is CMJ in new york. this you can see a bunch of bands whose names all sound very similar!!!

Crystal Antlers or The Antlers
Aeroplane or Aeroplane Pageant
Girls or Little Girls or Little Teeth
At Sea or The Sea




Or you can go to the "We" Showcase featuring:


We Are Country Mice / We Are Enfant Terrible / We Are The World / We Are Wolves / We Have Band / We Should Be Dead / We The They

In all seriousness, I stumbled (literally stumbled) into two very good showcases. Sometimes it helps to have very, very low expectations. Check out some photos from my homegirl over at FreeWilliamsburg

I kind of love "These United States" from Kentucky. They sort of sound like a less-ghey version of Kings of Leon.





Tuesday, October 20, 2009

falcon don't fly so high...

balloon boy parodies galore!! they are starting to roll in faster than the "single ladies" videos did this time last year

autotune boy band version:



trippy alt version:



wolf blitzer metal verison:

computerized she wolves

is there a valid career path for people who make parodies of music videos using only "the sims" ?





if so, i need to get to work!

Monday, October 19, 2009

very meta challenge

can you name all the other music video costumes featured in Lady Sovereign's video for "I've Got You Dancing"?



Here we go!











stars! they're just like us!

they're sloppy!

kanye west x spike jones: where the wild things are (directors cut)

watch the whole thing, because somewhere towards the end kanye west throws up pink confetti.

watch in high quality quicktime here

Saturday, October 17, 2009

emotional times

i guess a one of these jonasbros directed a music video. its supposed to be a "funny" song. i think. im not really sure. im very confused by this video. its like a car crash i cant look away from. a car crash that killed a hundred million tweens.



should all hipsters be offended by this?

im depressed now.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The She Wolf Tranny

I seriously have no words.

Turkey Dinner

If you didn't know who Sheree Shepard was, you do now!

Everyone who ever came in contact with Falcon Heene is now famous. I sure am glad balloon boy brought me to this great creature:



Should I call her up and get a reading?! I think so!

sheer swap



i cannot get enough of our friend from the great state of Florida!!

and i cannot get enough of the Heene familY! SO SHEER. SO VERY VERY SHEER.

FAME.


10 points to the person who can tell me why this woman is now famous...





give up?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

i can't



Youtube tween ShaneDawsonTV posted this tragic video. My favorite part of this is in the comments section:

"hi shane! im in your basement right now waiting for you to come down so i can axe you to death and feed you to my dog. *evil laughter* O_o"

"ima cut ur disco stick off and shove it up ur hairy butt with green gorrilas singing in the background... then the gorrilas will grill you on teh grill of justice and eat u. then the king of the green gorillas, lord greenza will throw the craps in the fire of hairyness."

the biggest news since jesus was born


the balloon boy.

clearly this person knows all the answers and has it all figured out.

we can all rest well tonight

im over 2009

its already 2010 to me. just sayin'

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

An Open Letter to Leighton Meester

You know, Leighton, I was really rooting for you. Even though your performances on gossip girl have been lackluster in the 3rd season, you are still the shining star. But srsly .... your new single is absolute garbage. I can't even believe you recorded this mess of a "song." Its not even a song. Its a spoken word poem with some sort of beat in the background. I can't even consider that a beat. Its not just bad, its offensive. Please get your act together. Or consider becoming a permanent member of Cobra Starship.

(You can listen to the song on her Myspace, but your ears may detach from the sides of your head)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

the return of mainstream / alt collabs


if i was famous and promoted these on my blog, jeremy scott would send me a free pair for all the great publicity.


sadly, my blog isn't getting "mad hits." i guess I will have to live without these tie-dyed angel sneakers.

jay-z is the future

You know the prom scene in Napoleon Dynamite when Deb and Napoleon are dancing arms-length apart and Alphaville's "Forever Young" is playing and you cringe at the thought of all of your awkward school dances...

Well, Jay-Z makes that moment cool.



I was pretty ambivs about Blueprint 3 until I heard this track, but I think this makes it legit as hell.

Monday, October 12, 2009

real moments with rachel zoe (feat. snuggies)



it takes a while to get to the actual joke, but i die over the image of rachel zoe in a snuggie. & the roger impression is spot-on.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

human cats




this is terrifying. cats dressed as very geri cat ladies. are cat babies the new monkey babies?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

we all handle things differently

the paparazzi is a big problem for celebrities. princess diana even died because of paparazzi who wouldn't leave her alone (RIP, candle in the wind yo). it seems as though celebs are finally speaking out and turning their rage into meaningful art. it also seems as though some celebs are turning their rage into pure and unadulterated trash.

lets compare and contrast these two musical creations:



lady gaga is making a statement. i am not sure what that statement is, but my 57-year-old mother seemed to figure it out. "the paparazzi cripples a person." maybe? only lady gaga knows why she dances in a wheelchair and wears white lipstick with her yellow jeremy scott jumpsuit. this video is borderline offensive, lady gaga is borderline offensive, the guy from true blood looks like a guido, but its all absurd and it all works.


now lets take a look at something a bit more sheer:



1.) Miley Cyrus sounds like a man in her "dialogue" 2) you only need to watch the first 30 seconds to understand what is going on. the rest of the video is just miley looking like a perverted dancing muppet baby. 3) miley cyrus doesn't want to be followed around by paparazzi!!!!!! she hates it!! but every time she gets scared of the cameramen she just stares them down until they all turn into dancing gays! (this happens 2:30 in).

Who is your favorite she wolf?

I am not the only person inspired by Shakira's She Wolf. I mean, shakira is having seizures in a cave made of red glitter! Wearing a bodysuit with one arm and one leg! She must be cold. And then she falls off a building into her closet?! Its no surprise that there are hundreds of she wolves out there in the land of youtube garbage. This painfully unenthusiastic she wolf is my new fave:



Is he dancing in a crib?

Where the Wild She Wolves Are

I edited this at 6 in the morning.

Monday, October 5, 2009

today in the haus of gaga

will i ever be a mom?





I think I need to take some time off work to go to Iowa so I can pick up my 8,000 dollar monkey baby.

Monkey Breeders

Putting Lipstick on a Monkey

Last night we stumbled across yet another life-affirming television program on TLC, home of the Gosselins and the Duggars and the woman with one regular leg and giant leg.

If you didn't watch "My Monkey Baby," I suggest checking your local listings and finding when this disaster of a TV special airs again. Basically, "My Monkey Baby" follows three trashtastic couples through middle america as they take care of their adopted monkey babies. Yes, monkey babies. These compassionate people with no teeth have adopted monkeys and raised them as children. Just watch the clip and die a little inside.

video

a question for lady gaga



is it easier for you to play piano in your metal space globe?

Saturday, October 3, 2009

madonna 2k10



Ok, so Madonna is "mad old" and really shouldn't be touching herself on camera. That aside, this video is pure perfection. The studded dress, the Louboutin boots, the breakdancing, the crotch shots... Madonna has always been the patron saint of performance; she certainly doesn't need a maniacal editor to make her look damn good. But the precision of the edit makes this video incredible. Seriously, I feel like I'm being hypnotized.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

little pup


starting a blog is always awkward. here is a one tiny puppy to make it less awk.